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A Working Class Person's Guide to being high substances without dying (yet!)

2017-07-17 16:09:44 by I0TA

Disclaimer: This is a quarter-shitpost attempt, another quarter dose of depression and a half serious dose of hell.

Now that NGADM is not my problem anymore, NGUAC half-drowning result, and i have nothing to worry about, dangerous thoughts fire away.

Readers be warned.


Welcome to SnowTeddy's handy guide on How To Nearly Overdose Yourselves With Acceptible Subtances. You have a bad day? Your boss is disappointed at your slow ass and ineffective work? Do you ask yourself would you want a job motherfuckers? Do you wish for free days and nights so you can work on those boring bloops and bleeps (aka music) shit?

Are you a working class person?

Then this guide is for you.

I've done all of this shit. After my life turned to shit, I turned to drug and booze. As wasted my life was, I want to experiment with all kinds of shit that will definitely kill me in near future. You are welcome to join!


A - Cocaine Simulation Without Effort

risk: HIGH

Best to do this at midnight. Just be careful with this.

  1. Get a bottle of vodka, Absolut preferred.
  2. Get a can of Monster Assault for the half broke
  3. Pour both energy can and vodka into a mug, 50/50, stir them a bit.
  4. Put that mug of poison into the fridge for half an hour
  5. Take few sips at a time
  6. if you start showing effect, STOP TAKING THEM!
  7. if you do them all at once, your mom will find you dead, naked.
  8. Get high.

Disclaimer: there are 40% chance you will show OD effect from doing crack. There is clear 15% chance you will OD for real. And that's mean dead. 

  • Pro - high on coke without coke
  • Con - if your are OD Naloxone kit cannot save you

B - DMT With PTSD/Depression Meds

risk: LOW

Like most people after the war, Zoloft is prescribed to those trash ex-soldiers like me with PTSD and depression. anybody took it for years would hate Zoloft like shit. I hated taking it. But then I discovered its upper side, and have been stocking Zoloft for this purpose ever since.

  1. Start with 200mg of Zoloft.
  2. If no effect, wait 12 hours then increase to 400mg.
  3. Max 400mg.
  4. You will show sign of nausea on first try.
  5. If you see hallucination, both sight and sound, you are doing it right
  6. rest on a bed or a chair.
  7. shitty thing about Zoloft is it kicks in really slow. 
  8. Wait for the machine-elfs.
  9. Enjoy you fuckers!

Disclaimer: The chance of dying from Zoloft OD is very low, it was engineered to prevent idiots from ODing with it. But there's always some stupid chance with idiots made it through. Huge majority of the serious case of OD is you will puke everywhere. The light OD effect is similar to DMT and Adderall. Heavy one will show LSD effect. DO NOT TAKE ALCOHOL WITH IT AND READY A PUKE BUCKET IF YOU DID.

Pro: wouldn't die from OD, most of the time

Con: very slow effect


C - Weed For The Broke

risk: LOW

sometime I ran out of hash and needed some shit for my high trip. so i gotta improvise!

  1. Drink black coffee, big mug. maybe 2.
  2. about 5 shots of Scotch
  3. turn on this album of Hidden Orchestra on loud speaker
  4. sit back
  5. enjoy

Disclaimer: it's like high on coke except not that dangerous.

Pro: won't OD that bad

Con: you will have strangest insomnia


D - Fent without Easy Ride from Grim Reaper

Do you want to know what doing fentanyl feel like, especially when you nearly die but don't have the courage to die for it? i'm here for ya.

risk: HIGH

  1. Lock your door and window
  2. Xanax (legally prescribed in most states and provinces), take one bar
  3. mix Scotch with vodka, one full mug
  4. lay on the bed
  5. relax, fuck sticks!

Disclaimer: out of all above, this is the highest risk. If you woke up found yourself cuffed in a squad car, be warned, but not my problem!

Pro: hell of a trip

Con: You will not remember shit you did, including murder. during that time, you black out and on auto pilot


Enjoy.

And go back to work fellow slaves!


Comments

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LichLich

2017-07-17 16:24:14

Ayyyy, Vodka/Energy-Drink mixes are a favourite around this way (usually with Red Bull, tried it a couple of times with Relentless instead of Monster aswell), can't go into some places without it reeking of the stuff on Friday/Saturday nights since it's pretty cheap.

I0TA responds:

i usually goes for quantity so Red Bull is not my first choice. it's also quite expensive here :/. however it can give you the weirdest trip ever.


eatmeatleeteatmeatleet

2017-07-17 17:21:53

hey man you can just call me on skype anytime. GO with recreative pleb usage instead of this self-pitty scotch mugs of BS.

Vodka sucks, you are gonna have 2 days of hangover and the only way you die is you pass out and choke on your own vomit. Fuck this shit

(Updated ) I0TA responds:

yeah, life sucks.

edit. thank you for your offer :)


NexusMad213NexusMad213

2017-07-17 17:37:31

Drink a shit-ton of fireball and get high.

I0TA responds:

drink molten lava and get high.